Satirist of New Yorker Hospitalized for Being Tiresome, Insufferable and, Above All Else, Not Funny


NEW YORK (–The satirist for the New Yorker was hospitalized for a congenital inability to produce funny and interesting satirical material.

Andy Borowitz, whose satirical website was purchased by the New Yorker in 2012, in the expectation that it would actually be interesting and humorous, is listed in critical condition at a local hospital. Doctors are unsure about Mr. Borowitz’s recovery, with some privately doubting that he will ever be funny, or that ever was funny in the first place.

Jelani Cobb, a colleague of Mr. Borowitz’s at the New Yorker, became concerned about Mr. Borowitz’s health when he read Mr. Borowitz’s latest utterly predictable, entirely humorless, imagination-free diatribe against Republicans.

“I turned to Andy and said, ‘are you all right? Are you going to be able to make it through to the next column?’ And he said, ‘I’ll be fine. I’ve been mailing and phoning it in for years; I know that I will be feeling better soon.'”

But moments later, when Mr. Borowitz hunched over his computer to write what would have been his next formulaic screed, he experienced blurred vision, dizziness, and a fit of unjustified snobbery that caused Mr. Borowitz to collapse over his keyboard. He was immediately rushed to the hospital.

Mr. Cobb said that even in the event of a recovery, it was unlikely that the New Yorker would ever ask Mr. Borowitz to try to be funny again. “We all care about Andy,” Mr. Cobb said. “We would never ask him to go beyond the natural boundaries of his talents in order to be funny. That would risk his health, and we just cannot justify that. He has a family.”

In a moment of lucid coherence, before once again relapsing into a state of humorless insufferability, Mr. Borowitz seemed blindsided by his sudden disintegration. “Going into the writing of the column, I actually believed that I could risk not being funny,” he said. “I thought that the low expectations of New Yorker readers would help.”

(Photo Credit.)


Nota Bene: Gentle readers, before you protest that I don’t like Borowitz’s humor because he makes fun of right-of-center peeps of mine, do please note that I find this to be very funny, even though I certainly don’t find Donald Trump to be right-of-center.

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