WASHINGTON (PejmanYousefzadeh.net)–Now that Michael Cannon of the Cato Institute has been unmasked as “the single most relentless antagonist” of Obamacare, President Barack Obama has announced a comprehensive plan to deal with the threat that Cannon poses to the successful implementation of health care reform.
In a televised address from the Oval Office, the president told Americans that Cannon–who allegedly convinced 36 states not to set up their own health care exchanges all by himself and who “celebrated” when governors like Chris Christie opted not to set up state exchanges–had been classified by the administration as a threat to the health care security of the United States. “Michael Cannon has proven conclusively that he has the power to annihilate the Affordable Care Act with a single thought,” the president said in his speech. “His very name is a killing word. We must take the threat he poses very seriously, and we must be prepared to act against it.”
The president pointed out that Cannon traveled throughout the United States to argue against the creation of state exchanges, and that Cannon often tweeted and blogged his opposition to Obamacare as well, “which sounds like the very grave act that it is when you talk about it by using your scary voice,” the president added. The president further alleged that while in his secret lair underneath a volcano, Cannon convinced the legion of computer coders under his command to do nothing whatsoever to fix up the massive amount of botched code that was responsible for crashing the HealthCare.gov website. Additionally, Cannon is said to have wantonly and recklessly allowed the president to violate his administration’s pledge that Americans who like their health care plans would be allowed to keep them. Finally, the president made reference to Cannon’s slight resemblance to Dr. Evil, which he claimed was sufficient proof that Cannon was a dastardly supervillain. (Full disclosure: This blogger may also qualify as a dastardly supervillain under the White House’s expansive definition of the term.)
Asked in a follow-up press conference whether the administration would consider sending Seal Team Six after Cannon, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney referred questioners to the Defense Department, which he said would field any inquiries about the president’s military options.